As my unhappy marriage wound slowly down to a stand still, I escaped by being gone most nights and weekends. I have always loved to be in the middle of the action, so I threw myself into going out . Since I grew up here, I had childhood friends that I'd been palling around with for decades. Going to college here added to my pool of friends. Then having and schooling my kids here increased my social circle so much that, at times, I actually had to decline offers.
But all of that changed after I filed for divorce.
The end of any relationship will draw a line in the sand for your friends. Friends always have to choose sides. Will they be his friends? Or mine? But I grew up in a church that considers divorce a sin and that preaches how enduring a miserable life is a good thing as Jesus taught us to bear our cross every day. So the natural conclusion was for my friends to call me up and inform me that, until I changed my ways, our friendship was over. It was either end the friendship or listen to them try to figure out what went wrong in the marriage in order to facilitate reconciliation.
Most of my friends who continue to support me are good intentioned but very busy. Married couples with kids love to do activities with other married couples with kids. Hitting a bar, going into the city!, dancing, watching a show, taking in a movie...all of these exhaust my married and career friends. Once night comes, they are ready to hibernate until sunrise.
My free weekends throw me back into a feeling of being footloose without responsibilities like when I was young. All the energy that I expend on my tribe of 20 still surges through me on the weekend. With all of that energy, I get the urge to go, go, go!
But the friends I've collected over the years are still tiring themselves out on the weekends as their responsibilities haven't lessened. This puts me in a unique position. A lonely position. My kids are with my ex, and my friends are with their families.
Ah. This phase of my life totally sucks.
I know this won't last forever. Already, I've met other single moms and dads in this area. They too face the same friendship problem. Which makes me think. Am I to only search out and befriend MILFs and the dad equivalents? I guess my future posse will be drawn from that limited pool.
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